Dammyelect: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie
the Pooh have in common? Same middle
name.
2. I was horrified when my wife told me that
my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
Apparently I need to pay more attention
during school pick-up.
3. What is the opposite of a croissant? A
happy uncle.
4. If April showers bring May flowers, what do
May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
5. Which branch of the military accepts
toddlers? The infantry.
6. Did you know you can actually listen to the
blood in your veins? You just have to listen
varicosely.
7. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date
a tennis player. Love means nothing to
them.
8. I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not
gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
9. What's the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
10. I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did
unspeakable things to me.
11. Got a PS5 for my little brother. Best trade
I've ever done!
12. What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth
Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
13. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.
All it was doing was gathering dust!
14. When you die, what part of the body dies
last? The pupils…they dilate.
15. A friend of mine went bald years ago, but
still carries around an old comb. He just
can't part with it.