I write this with tears in my eyes but I won't cry because a man is not supposed to.

If really I was such a bad person , I hope to change and live a better life. But to deserve unemployment because of a past situation I found myself in which I couldn't help, I think it's too much for me to bear, but what do I know? maybe I deserve to be unemployed.

But if I tell you I'm not depressed, I'm lieing .

Last year I got a marketing Job with a bank few months after my NYSC when things were extremely hard . Even transport money to go for the training was hard. On the first day of training, on my way home, I lost my phone which was the only thing of value I had then. Safe to say I began the Job phoneless , cashless and frustrated .

Even money to buy bank wears and appear smart or serious was a case . No transport for work, no phone for my work and marketing, no clothes to wear, I'll leave out feeding coz I could control that with starvation or one square meal. My mom was only able to raise small cash for me which most times didn't last a week, transport to and fro was 400 naira, a plate of food was 300, before I get transport for marketing , airtime and transport to call and bringing customers to open accounts and running around on the job which was money intensive, anybody who worked a as marketer before can relate...all these with a huge target of 30 accounts to open and a target of 3 million to bring to the bank.. At least I'm expected to spend 1k a day on the Job which I have not been paid. Remember it was my first month and most banks don't pay in the first month, it's in the second month they combine your salary and pay. Pay was 35k. I was just frustrated.

All these struggles manifested in my performance coz I couldn't deliver and my first two months was a mess coz some days I just couldn't go to work. Sometimes I came to work late coz I had to look for transport money in the morning. Being able to come to work and survive was my main concern then, I fell sick many times out of starvation and it affected my Job. On one occasion or two the Branch manager assisted with stipends when I complained to her about my struggles. Most times the stipends only lasted a day or two but It was a life saver for me coz there was no other option, at least I was able to come to work and eat the next day. Fellow colleagues couldn't help, nobody could, I dropped shame one day in the board meeting and asked for help for we the new staff and how hard it is for us to keep up with the Job. I got nothing.

Not too long after, I resigned to pursue something else . I traveled.

Only for me to come back after 8 months for another bank Job interview and when my former Branch manager was called as a referral, the one I complained to about my struggles and reasons for my underperformance , the same one who assisted me sometimes and this was her reply "He's unserious, indiscipline and unfit for the Job. I was not supposed to hear that but the interviewer put it on loud by mistake and I heard that part before she quickly put the phone off. Immediately I knew I wasn't gonna get the Job.

It hurts me so much, dad is no more, mom a widow, siblings in school calling me day and night for money being the first son and bread winner. If I'm unserious and irresponsible, I can change & become better. No matter the circumstances I faced, I can't make excuses for that. But if I was such a terrible person to deserve unemployment . I let God be the Judge. The interview happened yesterday.

I'm back to the unemployment table guys. My advice to every young hustler out there is to do their best on any job they find themselves no matter the circumstances. But my prayer is for our pasts not to deny us our future bread. We go make am last last

Moral of the story is that job seekers should be careful who they make their referees too.