I love my dad with all my heart. My dad has been my hero all my life. He is a kind and doting father to all of us.
Born into a family of five,myself an my siblings can confidently say that we were given the love and care any child would want from their parents.
Our parents have been married for almost 18 years.
Two months ago,I started my Internship program at my father’s construction company . My father owns a construction company that employs over 200 staff members.
I went out with one of the project teams to visit one of our sites in Epe and we didnt come back to the office until almost 7pm. The company truck that took us back to the office was going to take me home but I saw that my father’s car was parked in front of the office so I decided to check on my dad and also join him to ride home.
I walked into my dad’s office hardly knocking because I felt it was quite late,there was no way he was having business meetings by this time,I thought.
As I got into his office,I saw my dad and the receptionist having s*x on his office table!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I was stunned!…I was like,oh my god…Jesus f–cking christ..what da h3ll dad?
I turned and left the office,very angry and very stunned.
I didn’t go home straight after that. For the first time in my life as a 17 year old,I went to a bar and had drink for almost two hours. I finally left and got home around 11pm.
My mom was freaking out as she was wondering why I stayed out so late and when I came in,I was reeking of alcohol. she understandably was very upset with me and said my father would deal with me.
I laughed. My father stood there like a mute and said: son,go to bed,we will talk about this tomorrow when you are sobered up”.
My mom didnt understand why my father behaved like  that . But I couldn’t care less.
The next day,my father asked me to see him in his study. He waited until my mom had gone out.
We had our very first misunderstanding that day. I was so disappointed in my dad. He was also disappointed that I turned into a drunk and I was challenging him for the first time.
I broke down and cried,I mean,this is my father,a respectable man,in church,in the society,..f-cking his employee!
He asked me to please forgive him that it was a mistake. He begged me not to tell my mother. He promised never to do it anymore,he wanted me to promise him that I wouldn’t tell.
As I looked at him,I couldn’t get the imagery of what I witnessed out of my head. I asked him to fire the receptionist in question and he said he cannot as it would seem like he is victimizing her. I was like: are you for real?

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
How am I even supposed to go back to that office with that hoe working there?And then,my father expects me to keep quiet?
Mehn,can somebody tell me what to do?cos…I am so angry,I might just flip and tell my mom one day. She does not deserve any of this shit. Shes the best woman any man can call a wife.
Am out man,I dont know what to do,so freaking confused!



SOURCE: livelystones.com.ng

Joan is my younger sister,she is the second to the last child while I am the second born in our family.I have always looked out for my younger sister. My parents always reminded me to be sure to do that.
Before Joan came to live with me,she was a doting and respectable younger sister. All that has changed now.
It all started a year and half ago. Joan began to date Raymond,a politician,in his late forties. I cannot tell how they met but I first discovered about their relationship when Raymond started coming to drop Joan at our house after they had gone out. I asked Joan why she didn’t want to bring in her friend to introduce to me but she said the guy was shy and not ready to meet her family until he was sure.At that point,I asked her his name,she said never mind. I had to tell her that I knew the owner of the car that was dropping her off. I told her that Raymond and I dated for a few months but broke up because I wasn’t comfortable with his lifestyle,he appeared to be lying about a lot of things like the fact that I had confronted him with a rumor of him having a wife and children in Ghana.
Joan finally admitted that Raymond had told her about me and how it didn’t work out because I was always listening to rumors about him. He stated that being a politician,his political opponents were always in the habit of spreading malicious rumors to discredit him. He said he didn’t need a woman who didn’t understand his career.
I thought Joan was joking,I warned her to stay away from Raymond but she laughed and said she was a big girl and can take care of herself. She continued to see Raymond and never for once did Raymond ever come inside our house to see me. Three months later,Joan moved out of my apartment to live with Raymond.

 
At that point,I had to inform my parents. They called Joan to warn her as well but she wouldn’t listen still. Joan actually told my parents that I was not happy for her,because I was not dating any one hence I wanted to destroy her relationship. My mother advised us to continue to pray for her.

Barely six months into their relationship,Joan came to see me one Saturday morning to inform me of her marriage to Raymond. She said she was getting married to Raymond in a month’s time. I reminded her that myself and no one on our family has ever met Raymond officially. I told her that it was a rough decision she was taking. She was not thinking clearly. She didn’t know Raymond well enough to decide to want to get married to him.
Again.like a joke,Joan and Raymond met my parents two weeks later to discuss marriage plans which they wanted to happen by the end of the month. Of course,my parents refused. But Joan started threatening suicide if she was not allowed to marry Raymond.
My parents had to give into Joan’s threats. By the end of the month,Raymond and Joan got married. The family decided to let her live by her decisions.
After her marriage,none of us ever visited Joan. She didn’t also invite us.
Following a recent move by government,there was a whistle blower who indicted Raymond. Raymond was accused of stealing several billions of money when he was P.A to a former senator. There were alot of allegations. Raymond and a certain big senate politician were under investigations. In the process of the investigation,Raymond fled the country. That has been over two months he fled and no one has heard from him.
My dear sister Joan is pregnant with Raymond’s baby. The house they lived in with so many other houses have been seized by EFCC.

As much as I love my sister,I really cannot accept her into my house,she insulted me and my parents because of this Raymond guy. Now,she is begging to come stay with me. I may sound cruel but I also do not want myself or any member of my family to be associated with this scandal. My sister was even arrested twice as a result of the investigations. They threatened to lock her up until he husband showed up. If not for the intervention of a family friend who knew the Judge,mys sister would have been locked up with her pregnancy.
I wonder why people do not listen to advice these days.  People are begging us to accept our sister back,we would eventually but if you were in our shoes,wouldn’t you do the same?
 
From Rose,
Aba.




SOURCE: www.livelystones.com.ng

I have read alot of your articles on lively stone. Please help!

Am a mother single of three beautiful children, 2 gals and a boy. Am hard word raising my children alone after separation from my husband with little or sometimes no support. Am doing all to raise my gals to be responsible as they say children raise by women are always spoils children. I try to me with the basic needs of my kids and also ensure am their best friend. My first daughter is growing rapidly into a very beautiful gal cos I see how young guyz, men stare at her, even lots of her mate are always flocking around her.
She is just fourteen. Jzhane, my fear is her behaviour is beginning to change. I recently seized her phone because of the numerous calls from males friends which she claim they are just acquaintance. Now she always opt to go on short errand which I feel is because she wants to meet her admirers. Though I trust her but am very worried because she is just 14years. I know her father and his family are waiting to see the outcome of their future.pls how do I handle this as a single mother. I don’t want to be a laughing stuck.

Toju

Suru lere





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Dear Jzhane,
I met Toun in church. We started dating after getting to know each other like a few months later.
Truthfully,she is a nice girl.church girl,prayerful,faithful,respectful and all. We actually got engaged later on.
I love this girl but I am a bit worried about her attitude. she appears to be a bit clingy.
Here is what I mean:
If I dont call her everyday,she gets offended
If we are walking or going somewhere,she wants me to hold her hands
She wants to sit with me in church all the time. Or anywhere we go to,like a wedding.
One time I traveled on official assignment . I lost my phone on the trip so I couldn’t call her.
When I got back,she was so upset and broke up with me. She accused me of going to see a girl.
If she sees another girl with me,she gets upset. Starts asking questions and making the other person uncomfortable.
We have talked about this behavior several times . She says she is helplessly in love with me. Is that a good or a bad thing?
I want to know because, I don’t want to regret going ahead to marry her.
If there is anything,I am not the kind of guy that likes to be controlled by a woman.
Is this love or just plain annoyance?…Am already frustrated by this behavior of hers
 
From Jeffery,
Ogba,Lagos


Source: www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear M. J.


I have been reading your write ups and they are very inspiring and touching. I tried to reach you on phone but your numbers are not reachable, I believe it the network.

 My name is Bolu, am 22years old. I met Muyiwa few months ago on my way back to Nigeria after my graduation and we ave been dating. I think am truly in love with him.He has been nice to me, caring and ravishing me with lots of gifts as he his from a rich home from my assessment. They live in Island, while my parent live in the mainland, Ikeja GRA precisely.

We are getting intimate by the day i.e kissing etc. But we have not had it yet because am not planning to loose my virginity so cheap or before marriage.

My problem started few weeks ago when I visited Muyiwa....

....www.livelystones.com.ng

Tunde and I met a year after I resume work with the company I worked for before my current job.I am a graduate of Botany, I also had my MSc immediately I completed  my Youth service.

 I was raised in a good Christian family with sound moral up bringing. I believe this contributed immensely  to why I was still intact before I met my husband. my parents have been happily married for as long as I have known them.

Tunde, was not my dream man, but since he was the only guy that seems a bit committed among all those hanging around me, I had to give in to him, besides, I have been facing a lot of pressure from my parents especially my mum. I was already approaching 28years old.

The challenges started during our courtship, but because I was naive, I didn’t see anything wrong. For instance, when, Tunde was to rent a place, he asked me to contribute to the rent, when he was to equip the apartment he also asked I should do this and do that. Which I obliged. My dad even called to warn me, but I went against his word.(Pls spinsters be warn.if a man wants to marry you, let him do the needful, at least before you move in)

Immediately, after our wedding, my husband behaviour started changing. The up keep allowance, he slash into two. When I asked why, he warn me never to try it again, asked if am not earning enough to take care of the house. I actually thought maybe it because of inflation and that he might have some future plans, like investment. Few weeks later, he gotba better job, with over 200% increase in salary. But rather for things to improve in the house, they rather got worse. Rather than getting increase in allowance, the little he was bringing was not consistent anymore. My birthday with come and go, same with our anniversary, but my husband will never get me a gift.
There was this fateful evening i came home early than expected because i was not feeling too well, i was amazed to see my help with a tight fitted new jeans which sh didnt have before, and i know I did not buy it for her, so I enquire how she got it. But she said Uncle Tunde referring to my husband gave her.See me see wahala.I wanted to give her the beating of her life, but restrained myself. By the time I finished with her I discovered he even gave her money too.

That evening  I confronted him(Tunde) that evening, he was mad, saying how dare me, ask him, that he observed she didn’t have clothes, so he bought her some. I knew water don’t pass garrison. Quickly the next day, i sent her packing. That evening when my husband came back and discovered she was gone, he started showing anger in everything I do.
That weekend, when I asked for money for weekend. I said he didn’t have. I told him I also don’t have a dime with me. So, he left, on getting back and asked for his food, Before I could  simply reply I didn’t cook because I had nothing on me, I had received a sound slap. I felt like tunder, I saw star.
Next day I ran to my parents, and explain what happened, they simply replied I should have borrowed and made his food.

From that day, I never got a penny from him, paying of my children fees, cooking and so much.the financial burden became enormous. Some, times, he will not touch me for months. The slightest thing I do or say provokes him. The beating became frequent, I feared for my life, to the point I don’t even say a word when he is talking.

I started to loose my self esteem. Thinking something was wrong with me. At a point in time, I thought I had offended God and he was punishing me. Why because, Tunde was making more money. Changing jobs. I mistakenly stumble on a duplicate CPV, domestic allowance for a particular month N350k.
We had 3 cars, but he doesn’t allow me to drive any. Besides, I had to use okada , at time taxi when taking our kids out.
This continue for almost 5 years. I was in h3ll on earth in my marriage, I cried everyday, my boss was always consoling and counseling me. I prayed like Hanah in the bible yet it looks like God himself was against me.

 The very first company Tunde, worked after he left the company where we met was a stone throw from my parents place. But he hardly visit. In shut, for the two years he spent there, he never visited my family.

One day I got home and met Tunde at home. I couldn’t ask why he was early, it was after few days I got to know he was sacked as this was obvious.soon days became months. Everyday, I hear him fighting and shouting on the phone.

Before, I knew what was happening my hubby has spent nine months at home. Firstly, I discovered, he was now unbelievably calm, soft spoken, and helping out with the house shores, besides, he was not keeping late nights again .Offering to drop the kids in school, evening bathing them in the morning. One morning, as I was about leaving the house, he  walked up to me as gentle as a dove and asked if i could assist with the our rent that the land lord threatened to throw us out.
As time went by discovered that all his friends who enjoyed his money had all left him, most especially lady, he would do or go anywhere for. I recall any occasion where he was to take me and the kids somewhere, just at the eleventh hour he called we should find our way there. We took okada and ended up having an accident but God protect us that only the bike man was injured. I later found out he took Bimbo the lady out.

Just few days I got an offer for another job in a multinational company. My husband has been offering to also be dropping me off at work along with the kids. Sincerely, I don’t feel anything for him anymore. He neglected me for several years.Abused me physically, emotionally, psychologically. I almost ran mad, at a time I contemplated suicide. But for my kids….

What didn’t this man do to me? Was it the one he asked me to go to the back sit so Bimbo could sit in front on an occasion, or is it  those few times he touched me when he was drunk. He would just throw himself at me and force me without even considering my state of mind(tear dropping).I can go on & on. But God say my pains, and rescued me.

Madam Jzhane, though he has been apologizing that’s the devil. Am scared, I don’t know what to do. He is still like a stranger to me.
I need you help plsss!

Judith,
Agege.


www.livelystones.com.ng

 

Yesterday I ran into a child hood friend and I froze. For the first time after almost 15 years, I began to remember what happened one faithful afternoon during one of those ASUU strikes which saw me and my friends at home doing nothing.

Apart from my pastor, no other person has been told this story.

That Day, my friend whom I have known since year one in school came visiting. He came with  some movies to watch with me. Of course, there was nothing else to do during the long Assu strikes but to watch movies, visit friends, just lazy around really.

We watched a few movies together and after a while, I got up to go and have my bath. It was afternoon. After having my bath, I was in my room trying to dress up when o heard the door of my room open. I turned around and saw my friend come inside the room. For a second I thought he missed his way or he didn’t know I was dressing up… But that wasn’t the case… He knew I was out of the bathroom and dressing up.  He advanced towards me and before I knew what was going on, he began to try to touch me. I was in shock but my defense mechanisms kicked in immediately.

I screamed at him, shoved him away and started to fight him as much as I could.

I fought and screamed so much that day. I told him i would tell my parents, his parents…. Our pastor and everyone  …He eventually left me. I quickly dressed up and for out of the house and told him to get out of my house before I screamed more. He left somewhat ashamed.

After the incident, I dressed up and went straight to see my pastor.  I was in tears. I told my pastor and he counselled me.  He told me he would speak to the young man.  He also asked me not to tell my parents.

You see, my parents and the young man’s parents have been friends for decades. Infact, his father was my mother’s boss for several years.  We went to the same church together as well. So the pastor’s counsel was so that the relationship between both families will not be ruined.

That was almost 15 years ago.  I never told anyone else. So yesterday, when I met this former friend I was in shock… I didn’t know how to react.  It dawned on me that I was still angry from the experience. I realized also that this young man never did get to apologise to me at all.

I am writing this post because I realise that sexual abuse is not taken seriously in this part of the world… People always think something like what happened to me is a normal male behavior.  They also want to quickly cover it up because they don’t want to ruffle anyone. They dont want to offend anyone. They don’t want to loose friends because of this.

 The victims even get blamed for the abuse.  Someone reading this post maybe saying :why did you go and have your bath when you are alone with a male friend at home?

Like for real… He is supposed to be a friend, a family friend… My parents trust him with me. They could swear that this young man would lay his life to protect me!

Many experiences have formed how I perceive relationships and this particular one has indeed formed how I see men. I find it really hard to trust men.

Today in America, several big names have been dragged into sexual assault allegations and Americans are having a field day.  However, I look at this Part of the world and sigh. The things we should abhor and condemn, we allow and condone.

Sexual abuse is real. It happens most times with people we love and trust. An awareness to this evil has to begin. More intensely as well.

I made a resolve to forgive this friend of mine. I forgave him even though he didn’t apologize. I forgave him for my peace of mind. But one thing is real, everytime I see him, I have questions, I want to know why he did that. I want to know why he has not apologised. I want to know why why and why

Till then, if you know anyone who has been abused sexually or if you have been abused and you need someone to talk to, come talk to us at Lively Stones.

This might be the first step of you finding healing for yourself.

www.livelystones.com.ng

What we usually do, is we identify our victim, access her then, either of us will make first move, if she falls easily, then the rest will adopt the winning strategy. It worked for most girls and other times it didn't work.  We kept on ...Read More

www.livelystones.com.ng

Ladies, raise your hand if you’ve had a discussion with a man and he’s clearly wrong about something. He knows he’s wrong, you know he’s wrong but he just won’t admit it.
Well, science says there is a reason for that.
A study reveals that testosterone makes men less likely to question their impulses, thus making them less likely to fess up about being incorrect.
Research from Caltech, the Wharton School, Western University and ZRT Laboratory delved into the phenomenon and determined that men heavily rely on intuitive judgment when it comes to making decisions. Their testosterone also reduces their cognitive reflection, which makes them think they’re right even when they’re wrong.
What we found was the testosterone group was quicker to make snap judgments on brain teasers where your initial guess is usually wrong, says Caltech’s Robert Kirby Professor of Behavioral Economics and T&C Chen Center for Social and Decision Neuroscience Leadership Chair, Colin Camerer. The testosterone is either inhibiting the process of mentally checking your work or increasing the intuitive feeling that I’m definitely right.

The study goes on to say that a lot of the male perspective when it comes to right and wrong has a lot to do with confidence because, duh.
We think it works through confidence enhancement. If you’re more confident, you’ll feel like you’re right and will not have enough self-doubt to correct mistakes, says.

So next time you’re arguing with your man and he just can’t own up to being on the wrong side of right, don’t blame him, blame science.

.......see more


www.livelystones.com.ng

Jzhane Ask Jzhane

So I took interest,in one of them,Joy. I started trying to date her. I had become friends with them after a few hangouts but I wanted to take things to the next level. I observed however that this babe,Joy was not feeling me and ...Read More

www.livelystones.com.ng

I kicked that lifestyle when I met a lady who changed my life. Mrs O owned an NGO that caters for young women in prostitution. Her foundation helped me start a fresh life. I got skills as a hair stylist and began to look ...Read More

www.livelystones.com.ng

Hello Friends!


So this Christmas, we want to hang out with you, to meet you, have fun with you.

There will be sessions for sharing experiences on relationship matters, meet new friends, talk real issues affecting relationships, proffer real solutions and business networking

Don’t plan to miss it.

An exciting time to meet, bond, learn, unwind, get business tips and have fun.  It’s a meeting for everyone :singles and married.. Let’s learn from one another!

Tell all your friends….Mark your calendar and get ready.

This meeting will change your life….

I look forward to seeing you at the event.

Date :10th December 2017

Venue :ReDahlia Workspaces, 43b Emina Crescent, off Toyin Street, Ikeja!

For more information, send an email to:

livelystonescares@gmail.com

Register on Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/events/363035534156587/?ti=cl

Call :+234 8029870309

www.livelystones.com.ng

Dear Lively Stone,

My wife has not spoken to me for almost two weeks. What happened two weeks ago was that we had an argument which we said certain words. My wife works on the Island . Two months ago,she was transferred to a new unit in her office. That office came with different responsibilities from her former office.

What led to the quarrel is that she said she was promoted in this new office but she refused to say how much is her new salary. Secondly,she started to password her phone. And she used to be n her phone chatting after work. Sometimes,chatting late into the night. She also starts to come home very late. As late as 11pm sometimes.

All these changes came with her new office and I have been telling her that I dont like the changes. Because to me,not telling me how much she earns now is making me suspicious. Plus,she password her phone. I mean why will she do that if she is not hiding anything. I dont believe that it is because of the children she is doing that. Anytime she is chatting,she will say it is official work she is doing. Coming late is the final suspicion for me.

Two weeks ago,I couldnt take it…I demanded to see her phone which she refused. In anger,I took the phone and smashed...Read More

.....www.livelystones.com.ng

What is troubling me is that the fantasy with this guy happens anytime I am having intercourse with my husband. I feel so guilty,I actually feel like I am committing a sin. But no one knows about this,not even the guy. ...Read More

...www.livelystones.com.ng

Jzhane 24/12/2017 Ask Jzhane, Dating 1 Comment

Dear Lively Stones.

I decided to ask this question as I perceive your platform is a no judgement zone.I am a thirty eight year old single mother. I have a four year old son. His father has moved on.For almost two years,I haven’t dated anyone.

Recently,my neighbor’s younger brother finished NYSC and moved to Lagos for greener pastures.


Casper is a nice looking young man who is always willing to assist me with stuff like putting on my generator or lifting heavy stuff from my car to my apartment.

We hung out in my apartment one day,he stayed with me all day,It was a public holiday if I remember. The gist got to girls who can knock out guys with s*x. He boasted that no girl could do that to him. Well,we dared each other and we slept with each other.

Since that day,we have been sleeping with each other as we both find it hard to resist the attraction.

I wanted to put a stop to this but Casper would not hear of it. He says he loves me and would want to marry me. He is 26 years old. He has said he would get his apartment once he gets his first job so we can be together. But when that will be,I dont know. He is fresh from school with no job and he is almost 12 years younger.

My greatest fear is if his....Read More


www.livelystones.com.ng