Yesterday I ran into a child hood friend and I froze. For the first time after almost 15 years, I began to remember what happened one faithful afternoon during one of those ASUU strikes which saw me and my friends at home doing nothing.

Apart from my pastor, no other person has been told this story.

That Day, my friend whom I have known since year one in school came visiting. He came with  some movies to watch with me. Of course, there was nothing else to do during the long Assu strikes but to watch movies, visit friends, just lazy around really.

We watched a few movies together and after a while, I got up to go and have my bath. It was afternoon. After having my bath, I was in my room trying to dress up when o heard the door of my room open. I turned around and saw my friend come inside the room. For a second I thought he missed his way or he didn’t know I was dressing up… But that wasn’t the case… He knew I was out of the bathroom and dressing up.  He advanced towards me and before I knew what was going on, he began to try to touch me. I was in shock but my defense mechanisms kicked in immediately.

I screamed at him, shoved him away and started to fight him as much as I could.

I fought and screamed so much that day. I told him i would tell my parents, his parents…. Our pastor and everyone  …He eventually left me. I quickly dressed up and for out of the house and told him to get out of my house before I screamed more. He left somewhat ashamed.

After the incident, I dressed up and went straight to see my pastor.  I was in tears. I told my pastor and he counselled me.  He told me he would speak to the young man.  He also asked me not to tell my parents.

You see, my parents and the young man’s parents have been friends for decades. Infact, his father was my mother’s boss for several years.  We went to the same church together as well. So the pastor’s counsel was so that the relationship between both families will not be ruined.

That was almost 15 years ago.  I never told anyone else. So yesterday, when I met this former friend I was in shock… I didn’t know how to react.  It dawned on me that I was still angry from the experience. I realized also that this young man never did get to apologise to me at all.

I am writing this post because I realise that sexual abuse is not taken seriously in this part of the world… People always think something like what happened to me is a normal male behavior.  They also want to quickly cover it up because they don’t want to ruffle anyone. They dont want to offend anyone. They don’t want to loose friends because of this.

 The victims even get blamed for the abuse.  Someone reading this post maybe saying :why did you go and have your bath when you are alone with a male friend at home?

Like for real… He is supposed to be a friend, a family friend… My parents trust him with me. They could swear that this young man would lay his life to protect me!

Many experiences have formed how I perceive relationships and this particular one has indeed formed how I see men. I find it really hard to trust men.

Today in America, several big names have been dragged into sexual assault allegations and Americans are having a field day.  However, I look at this Part of the world and sigh. The things we should abhor and condemn, we allow and condone.

Sexual abuse is real. It happens most times with people we love and trust. An awareness to this evil has to begin. More intensely as well.

I made a resolve to forgive this friend of mine. I forgave him even though he didn’t apologize. I forgave him for my peace of mind. But one thing is real, everytime I see him, I have questions, I want to know why he did that. I want to know why he has not apologised. I want to know why why and why

Till then, if you know anyone who has been abused sexually or if you have been abused and you need someone to talk to, come talk to us at Lively Stones.

This might be the first step of you finding healing for yourself.

www.livelystones.com.ng